…break is odd…

so… im back in the suburbs of chicago for 3 weeks, on holiday.  and its incredibly surreal.

having been here for a total of 4 days, i can already say that im rather done with being here.  im just imagining the next 16 days… and im kindof frightened.

::begin rant::

just to give everyone a bit of context… before i came back out here from colorado (my current place of residence) i did some calculations… and just realized that this 3 weeks that im here (until january 14th) will be the longest time i have been back in the chicago suburbs, under my parents’ roof since i was 17.

i hope this is providing the context for my current situation.

Also… it is good to note that almost all of my closest friends are either 1) stuck in the adult world with *jobs* and what not,or 2) far… far away.  and ive basically fallen completely out of touch with everyone i knew from when i was a young’n… (before i ran away to europe…)

so yeah… its been a rather family-filled few days… which is always nice… but my parental units are grating on me.  its funny… even though ive lived by myself, in a completely different country, for long, extended periods of time… they still treat me like im just a little tyke.  i mean, i understand that i’ll always be their “little boy” to them… but seriously??  the 2 nights ago, the day after christmas, i ended up re-connecting to an old friend that i used to do theatre with/went to school with, and we hung out… and at 2:30 am… i received a phone call from my father who was quite perturbed that i was “out so late”.

yeah… its been like that…

*and* what makes it worse… is that i dont have a car.  so if i want to get anywhere… i need to borrow one of my parents’ (because… its impossible to get around the suburbs without one… grrrr!!!)  but annyways…

::end rant::

the only things that have made this week rather nice:

christmas!  it was pleasant, and my family was rather functional all day.  cooked all     day with mom and eat tons of delicious foods and get nice gifts from family

new phone!! yayyyy… my old one was… rather brok’d but now i need everyone’s numbers cuz not all of them transferred…

date!!! i think im going on a date with a really cute guy on sunday (maybe?)!! im really excited… namely cuz i havent been on an actual *date* with anyone in… well… wayyyyyy too long…   its funny… i think i had kindof forgotten what it felt like to get nervous to talk to someone on a level like that… butterflies and all.  talking to him is definitely a good reminder. hehe.

ugh… im also feeling kinda gross and out of shape… as i normally feel about myself… but yesterday… it got so much that i took a good hour just stretching and doing yoga (which i hadnt done since the end of the term… and damn… i was tight.  doing sun salutations after 2 weeks of being lazy (after doing yoga/intense stretching every day for an entire semester…) will definitely kick your ass.  ::sigh:: i dont have my yoga mat with me here, but at least theres a nice wood floor and lots of space for me to sprawl out!

this break is especially nerve wracking, because… i graduate in may.  and the one thing that stands in the way of that… is my thesis!

the whole  “developing an original piece of theatre” is a rather difficult undertaking…

but yeah… more on that later.

i’ll be updating this ALOT more during my weeks at my parents’ so… stay tuned dear readers!

 

adventures back on the mainland…

so… life has been absolutely insane since i got back from hawaii. i miss it, brett, jesse, and dakota SOOOOOO much… i miss my hawaiian family!!!!

just a quick recap… i got back wednesday morning, and then came straight to a brand new apartment/townhouse/condo thing… and started unpacking/finishing moving. later that day (after moving and unpacking) i went and worked an 8 hour shift at work. awesome, right? hahah… yeah.

so… its basically been busy busy busy for me since my “vacation”. ive also started up rehearsals for the show im performing in/creating called “Elephants and Gold”. it is premiering at the Boulder International Fringe Festival… which begins in just a couple weeks! its gonna be awesome… so if you’re in/around colorado… you should totally come see it!

annnnnnnnnnnyways… this weekend was quite eventful and momentous for me.

this weekend was my first EVER visit to the wrangler in denver.

for those of you who dont know… the wrangler is basically the bear bar in denver… and so for this (ahem) little cub, it was quite a notable weekend! also… for those of you who dont know… just think big, burly, men, many in leather, many with facial hair… heheh… just my type

so… yeah… funnily enough, i was there with my other friend earl (yes yes… there are more than one of us!) and his partner mark… and i got to meet lots of fun, new people.

how’ere, ’twas not simply a drool-fest… it was mostly an interesting people study. see… now… what you out there in “blog-reader-land” must understand, is that this experience however wonderful, was simultaneously TERRIFYING for me. i dont know why… but… i guess it just was? whatever… all i know is that even though everyone kept telling me that i should relax and that i should feel “at home”… i didnt at all. it was kindof just like 7th grade all over again… i was once again the big, awkward, nerdy, dorky, asian kid trying not to embarrass himself too much.

again… maybe its just me… but i feel like i fit in such an odd place or i dont fit in at all when it comes to the “community”. first of all… being asian and being my size is an oddity in and of it self… for example, i was walking to work 2 days ago and some random man who was walking the opposite way decided that his preconceived notions about my identity needed to be spoken and so he stopped and said “youre one of them sumi wrestlers, aintcha?” no, dear reader… thats not a typo… he said “sumi”, and he was dead serious. and all i said was… “uhh… no…” and walked away slightly bemused, confused, and pondering about whether or not i should be offended. part of me wanted to punch the guy in the face, part of me wanted to sit down with him and a cup of tea just to hear what his thought process was before his mouth opened up and noise fell out.

i wanted to tell this man, that i am so much more than his perception of who i should be. i wanted to let him know about my life and my travels, the places i call home, the various languages that find a home in my mouth, about the amalgam of cultures within my being, and about my passion for creating art and for performing. but most of all, i wanted to dance for him… to show him how my body moves, what it can do, and all of the stereotypes, preconceptions, and bigotry it has had to fight against.

its funny because i felt completely invisible except for my physical body… as though i was nothing more than what i looked like.

but, i guess i cant really ask for much more from a bar where the main draws are ogling the eye candy and going out on the pull… and i mean… im not complaining entirely… i definitely enjoyed being able to look around and be completely surrounded by men i thought were physically beautiful heheh and… im sure i could have been more outgoing and less shy… but… for some odd reason, i was bashful… and if anyone was trying to hit on me or give me “eyes”… i totally missed it… but… its no surprise, because im incredibly unobservant and oblivious when it comes to getting hit on or anything of the sort…

although… the biggest plus from the entire experience was that i got recruited for the Denver Rugby Team the Harlequins… which was cool… hopefully i’ll have time to play and train!

well… it looks as though ive prattled on for much too long… its 4 am now… i should sleep… another week of rehearsal and work… ::sigh::